Anyone who’s ever been to a “stress management workshop,” raise your hand. Un-huh, I see that you all have. And now, raise your hands if you felt it worked. There aren’t too many of you, oh my. The lessons from these classes don’t stick with you for very long, but they’re generally simple and inexpensive to present.
In a typical stress management class taught by your HR department or the EAP, you’ll hear:
- You may feel drained and miserable as a result of stress.
- Overworking causes stress in you.
- Making good use of your time will enable you to complete your work more quickly and with less stress.
- Here are some relaxation techniques to help you manage stress.
- When you’re under pressure, you’ll feel better if you visualize serene scenes.
- Maybe you need long-term psychotherapy.
Now that I’ve spent years studying the psychology and physiology of human stress and have documentation to support my claims, I can say with certainty that ALL OF THESE STATEMENTS ARE FALSE. In addition, they harm you by directing you toward inefficient fixes.
What is the one thing that all of these statements have in common? They all say, “Look, you need to learn how to manage your stress because that is your issue.” There isn’t a single admission in any of these quotes that your employer, your boss, your coworkers, or your family are to blame for your stress or that they ought to help you manage it. When all the fancy words are stripped away, this is called “blaming the victim,” and It is repugnant in my opinion.
When I teach a stress management course, my messages are:
- Stress can kill you.
- You feel stressed when you are overwhelmed and feel powerless to do anything about it.
- your stress comes from your work, your family, and all of your life.
- Treating only work-related stress is ineffective; you must address all of its causes.
- When you exert even a small amount of control over the circumstance, stress decreases.
- Although they serve as a temporary fix, relaxation techniques are ineffective at alleviating symptoms.
- A network of friends with whom you can confide and vent is very beneficial.
- Though they are challenging to learn, some cognitive (imagination) techniques are helpful.
So my message is, “In order to reduce your stress in a sustainable way, you must also persuade those with whom you interact to alter their behavior.” It’s amazing how little acts of assertiveness (like cleaning your desk) can have such a big impact on your stress levels. This is why I teach simple methods for taking control of your work and family life. In the end, you want a strategy for minimizing your psychological workload as much as is practical and maximizing your level of control over your personal and professional lives. This combination has the power to start lowering your stress level and provide you with the resources to keep it there.
